I don't know why I like swimming. I really don't. Swimming seriously sucks. You can't breathe when you want to (wtf is up with that), it's way too much cardio, you have to wake up way too early, your hair is always wet and damaged, you're constantly hungry, you're exhausted 99% of the time, everything smells like chlorine, you fall asleep during dinner (true story), you have to buy SO much lotion, the water usually tastes gross, it's SO EXPENSIVE, it's SO TIME CONSUMING, dryland/weights are so hard, and the list goes on. There's so many complaints and reasons of why not to do it, I could probably convince Michael Phelps to quit during his prime. But when people ask me why I do it, I go completely blank. Why do I do it?
There's always a point in your workout or practice where you just stop trying as hard as you did on the last effort. Maybe because you're just too tired or out of breath to go equally hard on the next one. But that moment, when something in your body makes the conscious decision to try harder, is why I do it.
It's not even a thought in my brain that makes me want to swim faster or lift more. It just happens. There's something coursing throughout my entire body that makes the unanimous decision to go harder, even when my muscles might be screaming at me to stop. When I actually use my brain and tell myself to not lift more or swim faster, I feel guilty of not trying harder. It sucks. That guilt feeling is worse than eating an entire chocolate cake when you're on a diet. Even when my hand might be bleeding from a blister or when the puke just decides to come out of my mouth during practice (lol sorry swim team), I still feel guilty for taking it "easy" on the next one. There's that feeling in your heart, a feeling to strive for better, to achieve things you didn't think you could, that makes it so worth it even during the terrible "grind". Sometimes it makes me feel like Superwoman. Like dang!!!! I just did that!!! I crushed it and now I'm going to crush the world (I'd probably trip over myself if I tried doing that). Even when someone better comes along and crushes me crushing the workout. They're way better than me and I know it. But in that moment, I know deep down in myself that I couldn't be giving any more effort than I already was. So in that moment, it feels okay to be slower, weaker, and worse. But I'm doing the best I can and that's what makes it worth.
I'm starting to realize how this sounds. It sounds like an obsession or an addiction of physically torturing my body. But it's not. If I didn't, then mentally it make me feel worse. It's stupid, I know. Swimming's stupid too. But I love it.
Man, this post is cheesy.
There's always a point in your workout or practice where you just stop trying as hard as you did on the last effort. Maybe because you're just too tired or out of breath to go equally hard on the next one. But that moment, when something in your body makes the conscious decision to try harder, is why I do it.
It's not even a thought in my brain that makes me want to swim faster or lift more. It just happens. There's something coursing throughout my entire body that makes the unanimous decision to go harder, even when my muscles might be screaming at me to stop. When I actually use my brain and tell myself to not lift more or swim faster, I feel guilty of not trying harder. It sucks. That guilt feeling is worse than eating an entire chocolate cake when you're on a diet. Even when my hand might be bleeding from a blister or when the puke just decides to come out of my mouth during practice (lol sorry swim team), I still feel guilty for taking it "easy" on the next one. There's that feeling in your heart, a feeling to strive for better, to achieve things you didn't think you could, that makes it so worth it even during the terrible "grind". Sometimes it makes me feel like Superwoman. Like dang!!!! I just did that!!! I crushed it and now I'm going to crush the world (I'd probably trip over myself if I tried doing that). Even when someone better comes along and crushes me crushing the workout. They're way better than me and I know it. But in that moment, I know deep down in myself that I couldn't be giving any more effort than I already was. So in that moment, it feels okay to be slower, weaker, and worse. But I'm doing the best I can and that's what makes it worth.
I'm starting to realize how this sounds. It sounds like an obsession or an addiction of physically torturing my body. But it's not. If I didn't, then mentally it make me feel worse. It's stupid, I know. Swimming's stupid too. But I love it.
Man, this post is cheesy.
I think you capture that conflict that so often comes with real passion––if we comment to something fully, it involves pain and hassle. In some ways, the things that involve the most hassle may make us love that passion even more. (Do sousaphone players feel more intense commitment to their instrument than flautists because they have to lug them around? Maybe…) I like the honesty of your last sentence, but I’d add one more sentence, a kind of “but…” sentiment so you can land on the positive side of the conflict, or at least remind us it’s there.
ReplyDeleteThis is so cute!!! A lot of my intense athlete friends talk about how much they dislike their sport, but you really put into words why you keep doing it. Good job!
ReplyDelete