The beginning of The Bell Jar brought up something pretty significant for me. As we start getting to know Esther, something very apparent is brought forth. Esther brings up the issue of just “life” and what happens after school.
For me, Esther brings up several questions after her meeting with Jay Cee. Esther seems to have problems with figuring out what happens after school and life after school life. She doesn’t have an answer to Jay Cee’s question and seems to ponder it for a while. This got me thinking. What does actually happen after school? What are you supposed to do what to do after school? Is life just a blender of all school subjects? School is so structured and planned, it’s pretty hard to imagine life without a strict schedule where we are held accountable for showing up to school and participating. But in the grand scheme of things, what does school actually prepare you for? Esther seems to really be struggling with this to Jay Cee’s dismay and personally I definitely do not know how to answer any of these questions.
Another thing Esther seems to be really struggling with is her persona or “self in the world” after school. At least for me, there seems to be two kinds of personas I have. I have my school/swimming persona where I strive for the best and push myself academically/athletically. Then I have my hermit persona where staying at home and just laying in bed seems to satisfy my inner self. More often than not, these two personas seem to mix up each other, confusing me as to whether I’d rather do something or just be a hermit. I think to an extent Esther is feeling the same. For example, “Betsy was always asking me to do things with her and the other girls as if she were trying to save me in some way” (page 6). It seems here that other girls notice Esther’s sink into the hermit life and try to save Esther socially. From reading the back of the book, it seems that Esther’s increasingly slower social life becomes a precursor to depression and just losing herself. So in some ways, the first three (ish) chapters becomes a way of seeing Esther before she loses herself into the downward spiral of depression (?).
I agree that at the beginning of the novel Esther does seem to be very concerned about what is going to happen after she leaves school. I also agree that this seems like a real concern for a lot of people. I think a lot of people, and especially those that are very grade focused, have a hard time thinking about what will happen after they get done with school. I also agree that the structure of school is important. It is really easy to know what you have to do in school, as everything is set up for you, but many people my find it scary to go out into the real world where they have to make their own decisions.
ReplyDeleteI have some very similar feelings about having two different personas. I act very differently at home and at school and prioritize very different things. I think that this adds to the problem of what happens after college because as life gets less structure around the school day, these personas will have to merge somewhat instead of being two completely separate parts of who I am.
ReplyDeleteYou're making some really good points. I think the questions that Esther struggles with are ones that a lot of high school students, especially Uni students, have as well. We all know how to make ourselves look good on paper and to present ourselves in certain ways in the classroom, but eventually we too are going to reach a point where we have to figure out who we actually are without the structure of the school system telling us who we should be and what we should want.
ReplyDeleteI like your point about the mystery of life after school. I think we can sympathize with Esther in her uncertainty in that respect. It is hard for us to comprehend what it will be like to exit the streamlined tunnel of school-guided life and enter the world, as if plunging into the water after exiting a slide. I think that we are worried about being disoriented before we figure out who we are and what we want to do.
ReplyDeleteTrue! I think the silence in response to Jay Cee was a very easy to understand sentiment. This post reminds me of the first few days of class, when we discussed what people considered to be the "coming-of-age moment." A lot of kids in our class said college, but in Esther's (and many others') experience, that doesn't seem to be the case at all. Sure, she's a junior in college, but she obviously doesn't feel sure of her future or her goals. In that way, I really agree with you -- it's difficult to know how life beyond us is going to pan out, so how can we preemptively call any particular time in our lives the coming-of-age moment?
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting simply because this is the one part of Esther I can't relate to. I can definitely relate to her depression and frustration over gender roles, but not her lack of real-world knowledge and expectations. My mom has always pushed for me to put life and mental health before school, and experience as much as I can even if my grades suffer because everything will work out in the end. Growing up with this perspective, I've never had the scary questions that you and Esther seem to be describing. It's just really cool to think about this from a diffeeent perspective!
ReplyDeleteI wrote a post on this same issue, and I think it's something Uni does a shitty job with. I think school is so much this race to this cliff edge where you just kind of fall. We are told if we do well in school everything will be great. So I spent years of my life working far too hard and hating every minute of it, just to find out that all that work will not grant me some great future.
ReplyDelete